Because of a swim parent meeting, I had to miss crossfit, and instead have to run. Those of you who know me well, know I hate running. Here are 10 reasons why:

1. Running make everything jiggle. I do not need exercise to let me know that I need to firm up. That is what swimsuits are for.

2. Running makes everything hurt. When I run, my body hurts. My abs hurt. My butt hurts. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. My toes hurt. My pinky finger is starting to hurt just thinking about running.

3. Running is boring a hell. I think I would rather watch paint dry, or watch the Golden Girls, or watch the Golden Girls watching paint dry.

4. Running leaves me with my thoughts which causes me to realize how deranged, sick, and twisted I am really am. It is not a good feeling when your carefully constructed self concept is shattered by an idiotic masochistic past time such as running.

5. Clothes are not cute when you run. They run up, dig in, and become wet in places that were loosely covered when you left the house.

6. Running does not burn as many calories as one might think. Really, as sweaty as I am after running even for 20 minutes, I expect my jeans to slip right on, but no, they are as tight as ever. Seriously, what is the point? If I want to do something repeatedly for 20 minutes without an immediate payoff, I will just ask my kids to clean their room.

7. At 38 year old, I have learned to stop doing things I am not good at including running, baking, cleaning, and parenting. Seriously, at this stage of the game, what are the chances that I will improve upon these skills? I may as well give up and continue on with things I know I am good at such as sarcasm, giving orders, and looking busy.

8. Running makes your lungs feel like they are on fire. The only other time my lungs have felt that way was a life or death situation, so this must be Mother Nature's way of giving me a sign that running is just not healthy.

9. I can honestly say I have never seen anyone smile while running. Biking, swimming, sprinting, lifting, and jumping yes, running no, therefore I have decided that the sport is only for crabby people. Since I have decided to follow the road to happiness in my life, I cannot engage in such a negative and unhappy activity ; )

10. Running is dangerous for people with limited attention spans such as myself. Sprinting is great for us, running, not so much. I am distracted by a rock, a bird, a worm, a car, a jogger, hell, an airplane is enough for me to lose focus. I am not even sure that there is enough ritalin to keep me on task during a run, or if there is, if that would be safe for other runners.

Needless to say, I would rather gnaw off my own foot than run. Fml...