snow day...expectation vs. reality....
Expectation-everyone staying in matching pajamas all day, mom drinking a steaming cup of organic free trade coffee, kids sipping on homemake hot chocolate with gluten free marshmallows, cuddled up in blankets, watching movies with cookies in the oven (organic, paleo), while peacefully deciding which board game to play next.
Reality-
Child #2"What would happen if I cut off Macy's head?" Me "Can you wait until your father is home to do that? I don't want to clean up any more messes. Wtf, I'm tired of cleaning".

Child #1 &2 "You can't play that, it's mine." Me "Guess what, now it belongs to Goodwill. Didn't you learn anything about sharing over the holidays? Wtf?"

Child #1 "Mom, my stomach hurts. I think I am going to puke." Me "Wtf, shouldn't you be in the bathroom then?"

Child#2 "There is nothing to eat." Me "How about an apple? Banana? Applesauce? Protein shake? Veggies? A salad? Nuts? Other various paleo snack? Fine, f*ck it. Here is some bread and butter. Seriously, wtf?"

Child 1&2 "I'm bored". Me "I have chore I can assign. Bored, really wtf?"

Child #1"I need to go to 5 Below". Me "Great, let me just warm up my broomstick for a joyful ride to Orland in sub-artic temps because I have nothing else to do, wtf?"

Child #1 "Will you drive me and my friend to go meet some boys at school which is closed in sub zero temps?" Me "Ummm..sure, because I want to be a Grandmother at the ripe old age of 37. Do I look stupid. Wtf?"

Child #2 "Will you drive me to my friend's house that is a half a block away, to see if he can play? I don't like to walk." Me "WTF, just WTF?!?!".

Child #2 "My sister told me I look like a butthole?" Me "Well, do you look like a butthole? Wtf?"

There are only so many times that I can say WTF before I start drinking.